Time Won’t Stop Passing

I want a fulfilling life.

In pursuit of that dream, I craft goals, I pursue them, I throw myself far away from my comfort zone. I try to overreach so I can find myself becoming more than I was prior to the pursuit. And when life happens to take you into its indifferent current, having somebody who supports you and believes in you through the dark times of self-doubt is a blessing.

And now no matter how hard I try to cope, there’s emptiness where there used to be a presence. I strive to find the meaning in it, create my own, and still too much remains unanswered for me to feel fully at peace.

Too often reality can be a cruel experience.

Days, months, years pass, and there are sharp moments where it feels like just yesterday. I look inside myself, and no text seems to fit the hurt.

I wish I could find the perfect words.

I want to live.

113 thoughts on “Time Won’t Stop Passing

    • God bless you too!! I’m happy you liked the post, it helps me cope writing pieces like these and having others connect with it in their own way, I really appreciate your reading it it means the world to me to have readers all the best to you!! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  1. When does it change from “I want” a fulfilling life, to “I have” a fulfilling life? What will that take? Sometimes it’s a matter of changing your perception. You are who you think you are. There are those who think they can and those who think they can’t – and they are both right. I’m

    Liked by 3 people

    • I hear you totally I agree that a lot of it breaks down to perception, and there’s a fear that adopting the wrong perception could by accident lead to complacency. I often fall to the perspective that this sense of discontent I often feel is something that must be sublimated into productive action, and there’s a fear within me of contentment. You’re right, I live my life very much so by the philosophy that ‘as you think, so shall you become,’ and I do think I can become who I am, and I think you can too 🙂 Thank you so much for your kind comment!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • There never is, you’re right. And it’s true we need to embrace the questions, this really reminded me of a Rilke quote just now – “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.” You’re right I just need to embrace the whole of life as it stands, I mean this post to be general but I wrote it because it’s the anniversary of my father’s passing away, and it was a very traumatic time for me in many ways. I don’t know that I’ve all the way dealt with it, but I find writing has helped me immensely in coping. But I mean for people to connect with what I write in their own way, and I agree that we need to find our own ways, in spite of the pain and sorrow, we have to find our own unique ways to affirm our own lives. All the best to you JC I know you go through trials far beyond anything I could ever imagine, I hope that you’ve been doing well 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    • They do feel like they all too often fall short of expressing what I truly mean. I do think all things considered I’m all right, it’s just there are moments I get hit with feelings, and I need to write to properly deal with them. And having somebody connect with my writing means the world to me, I wish you all the best as well thank you for the kind and supportive comment 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for this kind comment!! I really appreciate your taking the time to read what I’ve written knowing people read my posts gives me a solid endorphin release but probably not quite so strong a satisfaction as extreme mountain climbing must give haha thanks once again!! 🙂

      Like

  2. Hallo Oscar, i read this and was concerned for you re the emptiness you convey. Having read some of the replies I understand it was the anniversary of your father’s death. How we each make sense of life, death and the emotional effort of love and loss is both significant and variable. Viktor Frankl’s work on finding our own individual sense of meaning and purpose in our lives might strike a chord here. For my own part I have found this too changes as we get older.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much for the kind comment, I’ve heard the name Viktor Frankl so many times growing up yet I’m sad to admit I never knew anything about him, from what little I’m now reading knowing he was a holocaust survivor and yet still found his meaning is very inspirational in and of itself, I would say that I identify as an existentialist and any source of new perspectives rooted in existentialism is welcome thank you for sharing that. I appreciate your taking the time out of your day to connect, I would say in the end I’ve found ways to cope it’s just there are some moments where I just feel very sad thinking about it, but I’ll be okay and I really do appreciate your taking time out to comment and I wish you nothing but the best 🙂

      Like

  3. Life’s indifferent current has nice sad ring to it. But, I think that is why we need each other when life really offers no guarantees. We are only feel immune from disappointment, disease, death when we are young enough to not be able to relate to them. I like to thing we do learn to savor those joys in light the possibility of hardship.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you for this kind comment, I agree we need each other when life gets tough and there is a certain illusion of eternity in youth, like all the mundane monotonous things we experience, driving around, seeing our friends and family, constant good health, it all feels like it’ll never stop. I like to think the same, it seems we need to experience the dark times to fully feel the contrast of the light, thank you for stopping by 🙂

      Like

  4. I’ve recently entered a phase in my life where I feel more adrift and without purpose than usual. But over the last few months I’ve realized maybe, just maybe, embracing that lost and empty feeling might be the answer to discovering what exactly it is that makes you feel fulfilled. Best of luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve found there’s a lot of truth to this perspective, sometimes it is best to accept life for its imperfections instead of working against that which is out of your power, and then re-focusing on those things which are completely under your control. I hope we can both find our fulfillment, best of luck to you as well 🙂

      Like

    • Thank you so much!! And no problem at all I honestly agree with your perspective but the word has now taken on such a negative connotation in people’s minds that it seems such a perspective will be lost on most people the stereotype predominates but on one level or another we’re all in touch with our emotional side otherwise we’re emotionless robots, I personally wouldn’t identify myself as such but I hear your position entirely thank you for the kind comment!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for the kind comment, he really was a very kind and inspiring person and he was always there for me to keep me steady. I’m thankful this bit of writing I’ve done has resonated with people, thank you so much for taking the time to connect all the best to you 🙂

      Like

    • No problem thank you for dropping by my site as well! I’ll do my best to keep it up thank you for the encouragement and I wish you nothing but the best in your own blogging on the nature of spirituality and existence!! Happy blogging!!

      Like

  5. There is too much truth in this post. Some gaps can never be filled. You can only replace the emptiness with respect and love and treat memories as memorials. Whenever you feel the hurt, I hope you feel the pride outshine it.
    In my belief, there is no truly fulfilled life. All there is, is the happiness of the current moment. If at all there was a fulfilled life, I believe it would be boring.
    So here’s wishing you what you deserve- accomplishments and more pursuits, and endless happiness within them.

    Make the journey count, for who knows what the destination is?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow this was such a beautiful comment!! “Treat memories as memorials” very poetic, finding happiness within each moment, there’s a tremendous amount of truth within your words very eloquently written I appreciate your taking the time to write such a kind and poetic comment!! It’s true who knows where it all ends, we need to “make the journey count,” something I lose sight of too often in my life. Thank you once again all the best to you!! =D

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Well said Oscar. What a beautiful tribute! I know…you know. Memories are our memorials for those we have loved and have gone on before us. Peace my friend. You’ve seen my blog…u know I also feel that life is journey…and one that we believe counts. God bless!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your kind words!! It’s not easy for me to write about topics like this but it helps me deal, I wish you peace with life as well. Life is a journey indeed, we need to hold faith in a secret meaning beneath it all, God bless!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • God bless you too! As to our secret meaning…and faith…absolutely! Making peace with life…living on with that “wondrous love” in our lives…well, it brings me hope. Keep dealing with the tough topics Oscar…courage is a heart word!!

        Liked by 1 person

    • It is daunting indeed, and that is a big piece of what I was expressing, just this angst at a temporal existence. I wish you a long time in this life as well and if you keep at it with a vegan lifestyle I’m sure you will get just that!! It’s a good choice I know I need to make better food choices myself, happy blogging!! 🙂

      Like

    • That’s a beautiful comment right there I’m happy the song affected you in that way, it’s a song I’ve listened to since I was much younger but this is a slightly re-modeled version of it the original is “Reflection Eternal” by Nujabes. Your life does have many possibilities to offer, it’s a reality I need to remind myself of often and I’m very glad you’ve helped remind me of it. The music is very peaceful and calming for me as well, I’m happy you’ve taken such a positive message from it thank you so much for commenting 🙂

      Like

  7. Yeah, reality is cruel at times. But I do think that “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. And it upsets me that I can’t find answers to some of my questions.. But this is life. And it’s good no matter what happens.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I too can’t seem to find the answers to many of my questions, but I agree with your positive perspective that life is in the end always in the right it’s a good mentality. Thank you for the kind comment and I wish you nothing but the best on your life’s journey 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind words!! Greetings from America, and thank you so much for your interest in my writing I’m very happy to have new readers I don’t have a twitter at the moment I’ve pretty much just been using my blog as my outlet for my thoughts up to this moment but thank you again for dropping by my site and for reading my posts it’s a blessing to have readers!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your kind words!! It’s not always easy for me to express myself in this way and getting positive reactions to this post has been in a way very healing for me, thank you so much once again 🙂

      Like

  8. “I wish I could find the perfect words.”

    I honestly believe that those words, just they way you wrote them… are already perfect.

    To me, they encompass the very reason we write in the first place. We may not be able to find the perfect words… now, or ever… but we can strive to… and in expressing ourselves, however painful it may feel sometimes, we can hope to come at least a little closer to understanding our own psyches and ultimately being understood by others.

    I’ve been thinking of this line lately, in light of musician/songwriter Glenn Frey’s passing (from the song “Tequila Sunrise”):

    “Take another shot of courage,
    Wonder why the right words never come…”

    Putting your heart on the page like this is an act of courage. Even though the words may not seem perfect to you, remember that for someone else reading your work, they just might be. From these comments alone, it seems your writing is resonating with many people already! Keep it up…

    Long story short, I’m glad to see that you’re writing on here again! It appears that we both stopped posting this past summer… thanks for the inspiration to get back on track. Looks like you’ve just helped me write my first post in months…!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your thoughtful and heartfelt comment.. It does help us to understand ourselves, and there is something very fulfilling in the knowing that others have connected with a thing you’ve expressed, and you’re I think very much so onto something with what it is that causes us to write in the first place. I really appreciate that you’ve felt something from this piece, and I got so caught up with work lately that it drove me crazy and it really, really drove me crazy feeling like I couldn’t keep up with my blog in the way that I had been, I’m still very busy but I feel like I’m at a pace now where I can deal with both working and working at my blog again. And I’m very happy that you’re back at it again, I’m sometimes reluctant to get back into the swing of things but every time I start writing again, I’m glad I did. Thank you so much once again!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • No problem at all thank you for reading and commenting!! I hear what you’re saying in your post when you feel conflicted about continuing school and about how school is not the real world, they’re thoughts I’ve struggled with as well. I’m working at the moment but I wonder whether or not continuing higher education is actually what I want to do. Not to say I have an answer for you or even for myself with respect to that question but I totally hear where you’re coming from with those thoughts, and it’s really curious to me how you met a medical doctor who decided to go back to school to study history I’m struggling with the thought of applying to medical school when in reality my more immediate passions are writing and history, especially writing in historical settings so that was sort of eerie for me tbh. I’m glad to know I’m not alone to have this sense of wanting to experience life and feeling like there’s so much time passing and yet I’m not certain I’m really living the life I want to live, and it just really blows my mind thinking about how much time has passed since very impactful moments in my life that don’t feel so long ago at all. I hope you continue on with your will to strive for the beautiful life you deserve and continue to find meaning in family, but life is a very testing experience I suppose we’re all experiencing our own unique existential crises. I wish you nothing but the best in your life’s journey and thank you for your post as well it got me thinking about my life too all the best and happy blogging!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Beautiful music! I too have experienced deep loss in my life and it never get’s easier. But there is always hope and your video of stunning natural views shows me that you also have hope despite the pain. God bless!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much we all need to keep hope!! I know that my dad wouldn’t have wanted me to wallow in a pool of negativity, so I do my best to just live as fulfilling a life as I can and I find myself falling short of that when I analyze my current existence, so I just keep hope that I can get through and it’s inspiring to know you keep hope too God bless to you as well!!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Thnk u Sir for Stopping by my blog, My Pure Hand.
    And by the way, this loneliness will one day lead us to success. It will not be in our life for long, something will comes to fill up our loneliness, it is just a matter of time. Be happy all the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You’re more than welcome thank you so much for reading my blog as well!! Your positive message is much appreciated, you’re right that we need to stay positive and happy all the time, I hold hope that there’s something positive in the distance for all of us in spite of the darker times we’ve passed through thanks once again for your kind words and happy blogging to you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Aloha Oscar, Nice to see a beautiful piece of your work! You have a lot of readers who appreciate you!!! Wonderful…Thank you for stopping by to say you “liked” my recent piece called: Spinning the Right Thoughts~!! Many Blessings to you~Always,
    Donna aka Shivalaya

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aloha to you as well Donna!! I’m extremely grateful to have a readership and people who have felt something from pieces I have written, it’s been a blessing to be read and it’s fulfilling interacting with other bloggers and getting a taste of their worlds and perspectives. Your piece was very spiritual and your pointing out how necessary it is for us to watch and properly guide our thoughts is very important and a perspective of particular relevance to me at the stage of my life I’m currently in. I can sometimes let myself fall into a negative mindstate, but I do my best to believe that there is a Higher Power who has a mysterious plan in play for us all. Thank you so much for your kind comment and happy blogging to you!! Stay spinning the right thoughts!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Thank you for your thoughtful and honest reply. You are right about this piece and almost everything else that I write is based on spirituality, tuning into a Higher Power, tips for deep meditation, and other such musings. I hope you will benefit from reading some of the other pieces on my site. Many Blessings to you, Donna aka Shivalaya

    Liked by 1 person

    • I really appreciate feedback like this I’m happy you connected with what I wrote here. I battle against that current all the time you’re not alone in that. That was a heartfelt post you made I hope you’re able to find a job you can enjoy and feel fulfillment in, I have a love hate relationship with my current circumstance at points it feels like absolute hell and at other times I feel a sense of enjoyment in the flow of my job and I’m chaotically oscillating between those two extremes cause in the end all I really want to do is be a novelist. I’ve been bloging for about a year now a little over a year, I try to get up a post at least once every two weeks and in between I try to interact with other bloggers and get a feel for what they’re going through. I hope you find your balance and meaning in life and I hope you find a sense of spirituality, I struggle with thoughts about the divine and I saw you mention that you pray I think anything which helps you feel a connectivity with the spiritual world is productive and beneficial and I wish you nothing but the best as you make you make your way in the big apple 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • wow thanks for that comment! when you say you want to be a novelist,does that mean your interested in writing books?i just went on craigslist and they had some posts seeking bloggers so i am going to see if i can get my foot in the writing world door cause theres little that brings me as much joy and clarity as writing.where are you from?

        Liked by 1 person

      • No prob! And most definitely I want to write books haha I’m trying to get representation for a manuscript at the moment, I’m from the Northeast area I’ve been to New York a few times but I’m more Jersey side, and that’s awesome I hope you can land one of those gigs that’d be really sweet!!

        Like

  13. This was beautiful. And I can so relate. For myself, I am newly engaged. But I carry the burden of a lost love in my heart as well. I feel I’ll never truly get over the lost love, but I know I have to move on. And have done so, though he will always be in my heart. I’m trying to have a fulfilling life with my partner now, and still there is always that feeling of wondering what might have been..

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for this kind and heartfelt comment, I’m sorry to hear about your loss I can’t imagine that specific type of loss of losing someone you may have spent your life with and wondering what might have been, but it’s beautiful to know that you are newly engaged and finding happiness with a different spirit and I’m sure your lost love would prefer you find happiness and peace again.. I wish you nothing but the fulfilling life you deserve all the best to you in your life’s journey 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Exact sentiments! There’s so much that I wanna do, but then…well, life happens…
    Or perhaps simply put, the effort wasn’t enough in the first place? It simply takes hard work to build a company, but an even harder amount of work to run it. The same goes for a maintaining a marriage, your work-life balance, raising a couple of kids, climbing the career ladder, socialising / networking, add in your life’s passion here and voila, so much to do, so little time.

    Perhaps the question is, at which stage of your life, which aspect should you be focusing on?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Life happens indeed, and we should always ask ourselves if we’re putting forth the proper effort that’s an important and good point you’ve made. It definitely takes hard work to build a company I don’t have first hand experience with it but I’ve seen a lot of friends pursue their own businesses and I’ve seen how hard they’ve had to work to gain traction, and I can believe that maintaining a healthy marriage can be its own unique challenge. I can’t even imagine kids and what not it’s very true there’s just not enough time for all the experiences we want to have, outside obligations crowd them out, and we need to decide for ourselves what our priorities are and not let other decide them for us. You’ve given me a lot of food for thought most def haha thank you so much for the thoughtful comment and all the best to you!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Neither do I have experience building a business… It was an example to say something along the lines of , say, it’s easy to state our intentions but less easier to do so when it requires us to put in the effort to achieve the goals we set for ourselves… Thank you to you too! Your blog is food for thought! And definitely rings true to your readers! Looking forward to reading more great articles from you! 😊 All the best!

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s